Last week was a bit of a whirlwind. It was an odd week with HisLordship working away from home but as I wrote in my last post, I think the time apart was actually good for us in terms of allowing some reflection. I felt at the start of a week as if I was a super-efficient dynamo and was impressed at my own ability to manage everything on my own. I think that it was good for me to remember this as sometimes we can adjust our standards and adapt to what is required and I think that with us, doing that had led to us not putting in quite the same effort as we might at have been at points. The general malaise of managing challenging circumstances had affected us both but the dynamic we have meant that we still felt as one. What the time apart did, was allow us to see ourselves more independently and we both did a bit of measuring up and found ourselves lacking.
My post before that had been focussed on the less submissive personality traits that I can have when required and these certainly kicked into action last week so that I could take care of the family, manage things at work, and still keep up with the other commitments that I have going on each week. I was actually surprised how much I managed to do, how well I managed to do it and how strong it made me feel. I had a clarity of thought and a determination that had not been with me for a while and it was good to be able to tap into that and use it to my advantage. As the week wore on, I began to slide a bit though. I slowed down a little and on Thursday was hit by a hormonal migraine which saw me sent home from work early on the Friday. Sir returned shortly after to a very tidy and organised house, but a wife curled up in our darkened bedroom.
From wonder-woman to wilted-woman in just a matter of hours! The truth is that we are better together and we always have been. Together we are stronger, we are more resilient and we can sustain a more demanding pace. With the recent pressures on us, we have chosen to scale back a bit but sometimes circumstances demand that of you. Remembering the ‘more’ that we can both be has been a helpful reminder for us and I think that we both feel like we have more energy and a clearer idea of how we want things to be and we are committed to making sure that this change happens. There are more trips away in December, and HisLordship will leave again this Monday, come home for a night and then head out again to the middle East for another two weeks.
The chat last night at The SWC was ‘D/s from a Distance’ and it was helpful to think back on the things that we have done during past trips and to hear from others about things that they do to keep that connection, both emotionally and physically while one partner is away from home. I will happily admit that we didn’t really address this before last week’s trip and I think that unless there is a clear plan in place, it can make it difficult to sustain. Last time our expectations of each other were not that we would have a system of things in place to keep each other’s D/s mindset, but more that we would do what was required on a personal level in order to keep things working well for when we were back together. I do think that this was what we needed at the time, but after a reset we have things back up and running more effectively and the coming trips should be managed in a very different way.
So while part of me embraced my little stint as an independent wonder-woman, it was more out of necessity than out of desire and I was more that ready to throw off my cape and be back on my knees again. I like being submissive, I like being Dominated and I like the dynamic that we have and the way that makes us feel. I know that I can do things on my own if I have to, but really I love not having to feel that way. I like to need Sir, I like to desire him and I like to be thinking about him and wanting him. I like to feel a little bit lost without him and be waiting for him to connect with me in some way, to feel like I am doing things because it matters and is important to him and to have that as a thought foremost in my head. To do that requires a huge amount of trust as you are making yourself vulnerable and there is always that risk that you will feel let down if your expectations are not going to be met, so it does have to be carefully managed.
My point is that sometimes it is important to recognise that for whatever reason, maybe what you would like to happen isn’t going to be possible. We are lucky that we have a dynamic that can accommodate this and I think that has come from of few years of circumstances shifting on us without warning which has allowed us to practise skills which allow us to adapt, as and when we need to. It isn’t a place that I want to be, but if I find myself there I can identify that and alter my expectations accordingly now and that is a positive, even if it doesn’t always look like it from the outside. We come back stronger, more determined and more resilient than before and we have learnt to capture that and use it.
I think that often then is a reluctance to talk about the ‘lesser’ times for fear that others will judge your relationship as being inferior somehow. Or perhaps it is just to do with pride in that you don’t want to be seen to have failed. I never really see it like that myself. I know that there are ups and downs and I don’t see them as being anything more than the ebbs and flows of life. There is always love, there is always trust and there is always honest communication. There may not always be kink and the connection may lessen slightly at times but there is always the desire to get back to where we want to be and work together to do that, so I don’t see it as a negative at all. Each time we bounce back from something it gives me confidence and security in the fact that this dynamic is something that we can make work for the long term.