I wrote back a few weeks ago about us choosing to bring more discipline into our relationship. We have never been as rule focussed as some couples and therefore punishment has not played a big part, but recently we did decide to change this a bit. We have a lot of rules that have become second nature to us now and these revolve largely around behaviour which is respectful and considerate of HisLordship. He will pull me up for things that I do which don’t take account of this but largely speaking, I would say that I manage to meet his expectations most of the time.
We have also had rules which focus on my well-being and revolve around eating the right things, drinking water, exercising and keeping the correct bedtime. Although these are things which we have focussed on, they can sort of fall by the wayside a bit so the last few weeks have seen the introduction of some new punishments (which are suitably unpleasant) and therefore act as further encouragement for me. In addition to this, Sir decided to add two further rules. He had thought quite hard about the things that I do that actually annoy him and had decided that one of these things was that I make negative comments about myself and my body.
Sir said that when I do this within his earshot it is difficult for him and he doesn’t like to hear it. It can come following something positive that he has said so he feels that it is not respectful for me to do it. He also said that he hoped that if I was able to address this then I would slowly start to see myself in a more positive way. I am not sure what will happen in that regard but it is certainly something that I am happy to try. He added to this that I should accept compliments that are given to me with grace and not contradict what has been said. This was something that I thought I might find quite challenging although, again, I was prepared to give it a go.
I can see how it bothers him that I behave in this way. It is directly contradictory of how he sees me and is a challenge to his comments so I do see that it is disrespectful to him. I also have a friend who is good at receiving compliments and she always thanks you so I know that those people can be pleasant to be around. I didn’t know how I would do but I was keen to have a go and if it actually made any headway in changing some of the ingrained and negative self-perceptions that I have and led to a more positive thinking style, then I was certainly on board with that.
We have had many a discussion at The SWC about rules and not sticking to them. I am not a person who really flouts the rules as I can see how much this would undermine Sir. Having said that, his rules as usually ones which benefit me and so there really is no reason not to try to keep them. I feel generally safer and calmer with the structure that they provide so I make them my focus and usually do quite well. Having had an input to what punishments might work for me, I did think carefully about something that would be a real deterrent and be effective for me so that has helped.
The new rules are about what I say and do in Sir’s presence but also about my thinking so I have to stick to them even when I am in the company of others and therefore, there is an element of self-reporting. Usually Wednesdays are a day when we set time aside to talk properly about our D/s and then follow it with a caning session. HisLordship is adding to this so that it becomes somewhat of a maintenance session where he still uses the cane, but also addresses how I have managed to keep to these rules. I think that this structure will work well, although due to something unexpected we actually missed it last week so tonight will be our first one,
I think that I have done quite well the first few weeks or so and I have been trying hard. Obviously I don’t know what improvement (or not) he has seen as some of it may be subconscious, but I am hoping not to have to be subjected to any of the deterrents that we agreed on as I know that they will involve quite an element of shame, which is probably why they are so effective for me. It is never a good thing to think that you have disappointed someone you care about so I am hoping that today will be a chance to review and then reinforce things with the maintenance session. I have felt tired and a little emotional all day so I am looking forward to this time to connect.
Thank you for sharing, missy! I love the underlying reason for this new rule, and I hope it has positive benefits on your self-esteem and body image. You are a beautiful person!
Awww thanks Nora (accepts compliment!). I am finding it has helped to be more focused on it. HL is quite easy going to not too much bothers him but I am sure he will find some more things to add as time goes by. ?
Such honesty. It’s been a day of honest blogging amongst my friends. Thank you for this. Oddly, the acceptance of compliments has been front and center in discussion in my D/s relationship lately as well. It has become a rule… one I am struggling with. I told a friend I’d write about it tonight. Thank you for adding your voice to the many already inside my head and for bringing this to light.
Good luck to you. You are simply lovely! ?
Thank you (and again lol). I am glad that it was helpful to you and look forward to reading your post too. It is always helpful to know how different people manage the sam sorts of things. ?
I’m glad of these new rules. Talking down about oneself is never a good thing. His Lordship has made a good decision!
I agree. I think these behaviours become so ingrained that it is something that you hardly notice yourself. I know that it came from childhood and hope that me changing now will have an influence on my own children too. ?
Those are two rules I’ve used as well.
Great minds ?
MrMan has always felt bad, when he or someone else had given me praise or a compliments and I made an excuse as to why it’s not really so. Instead of saying “thanks but your wrong” I’ve learned to say “thank you” and leave it at that. It didn’t happen over night but I can do it most of the time now. Good luck, Missy, you can do it too.
Thanks for the encouragement Beth ?