There was a time when I had a lot of drama in my life. This was not necessarily of my choosing but I suppose it was what came as a natural part of my life at the time. I think that when you are a teenager there is often a lot of drama and I see that every day through my work. Then at points in your life, especially if things are not going according to plan, it can creep in again. Sometimes it can be other people who arrive in your life and bring their drama with them and I suppose I have experienced a little of this recently.
Drama is one of those things that you don’t really notice arrive and you don’t really notice leave. It creeps into your life and stays there for as long as the show plays out. I think that often, as with many emotions in life, we adjust to accommodate a change so it is only when something has been absent for a while, and it suddenly reappears, that you feel the effect it can have on you. This is what has happened to me a couple of times recently and the feeling has been quite alien. This is because, since starting D/s, my life is relatively drama free.
Not to say that nothing goes wrong. We have had some bad luck in the past few years and have had some emotionally difficult things to deal with. But the way we manage means that there is not the usual fuss around such events as there used to be. It happens, we talk about it (and the emotions it causes), we deal with it (and the emotions it causes), and we adjust to our new normal. So we ourselves, are relatively drama free. I think that left to my own devices I might not manage like this, but HisLordship is more rational and less emotional; he will not allow himself to be drawn into something negative and he will try to prevent me from going there too.
I have to say that because of our relationship, I am pretty much protected from things that will get my emotions running out of control and when I do become involved, he uses the structure of what we have to take me over and manage my feelings and responses for me. This has resulted in a very calm way of life. I have thought at times that it feels a little strange to be so calm and even, but on these recent occasions where I have been inadvertently pulled into someone else’s issues, I have found that it has felt quite foreign, and definitely quite uncomfortable for me.
This, I think, means that I have adjusted to the change. My norm has reset and what would have been just another day for me, has become an out of the ordinary. I don’t want to feel that shaky adrenaline feeling, unless it has been caused by some serious play. I don’t want my heart to speed up so that my fit-bit informs me I am in the ‘fat-burning’ zone unless I am exercising and earning the extra calories, and I don’t want to be in bed with thoughts going around in my head and distracting me from what I want to be thinking about, which are the important things to me.
I am taking a stand against drama. I don’t need it and I don’t want it. I no longer thrive on being involved in all of that stuff and I am enjoying my calm and steady existence with its controlled highs and loving aftercare. My world has become so much more focussed than it ever was in the past. It is clearly managed, as am I, and I am able to be a better person because of how it leaves me. I am happy to star in my own show, keeping it real and simple, and never venture into the bright lights. I have a clear set of priorities, based on the values that Sir and I share, and that is more than enough for me. I am happy where I am, and seeing even just a snapshot of what is showing on centre stage, has been enough for me to know that I am keen to stay where I am calm and sheltered.
My Dominate is also very rational and less emotional, I’ve often joked that he needs to be a little less Spock and a little more Kirk. 😀 In all seriousness though, I’m hoping he can help me learn to be more calm. I hate any drama and avoid it like the plague, but I tend to fly off the handle too quickly. I’m curious about the way you manage things; we need to find something that works for us.
btw, I came across your blog via sayidsgirl’s blog. 🙂
Thank you KinkyKat. If you ever want to chat through ideas then you can always drop me a line or come along to one of our chats ?
I hope you are able to avoid all the drama. Having just gone through some, I would dearly like to learn how to avoid it!
Ahhh. Sometimes unfortunately I think it can find you and then it is only how you deal with it that you can control. ?
Very true–unfortunately! Have a wonderful day!
You too ?
I can fully relate to this, we had a lot of drama and issues to happen before we realised we needed to change. once we understood and realised what was casing the problem (and me becoming a bit of a arsehole and basket case) we set out a set of rules and a process that helps to protect us – Madam and me, and Madam is very protective of me to ensure that our Drama’s are controlled or only short term visitors. some may think it weird but our FLR provides that protection.
I don’t find it weird and totally understand how that can work for you both. Although your relationship may not be the conventional marriage, it is clear from your writing how much you care for each other and how well it works for you.