They are not really new rules, but with the start of the new term and my return to work, I was worried that I needed to have more structure in order to help with the change that it was going to bring. The holidays have been wonderful as HisLordship and I have been able to spend so much time relaxing together, but a lot of the rules and rituals that we had in place have been relaxed as they were not really required in the same way. Even the times that we set aside to talk, evaluate and review our D/s have not had to fit into the same routine as during the term time, because there has been so much more opportunity to talk at other times in the day.
I know from experience, that going back to work has an impact on me. I adjust to it, of course, but it means a much more hectic week which requires quite a tight structure in order to make it work effectively. I also get emotional, partly from tiredness but partly from moving from being full-time submissive, back into a work role where I have a lot of responsibility and have to take charge and make a lot of decisions. I feel a bit lost during this time and I get a bit of a drop. I am at that point now; Monday I was buzzing a bit with the reconnect with that other part of my life, Tuesday I was feeling a bit shell-shocked by the reality of adjusting to the number of demands placed upon me, and today I am feeling tired and a bit emotional. I am missing the contact with Sir so it is not only our routine which requires a tight structure, but also me who does.
It is much easier when you know what to expect as you can put things in place to try to manage it. So we talked about it on Sunday and HisLordship decided that we would bring back some of the old things that we did that had sort of fallen by the wayside. We have a number of rules that are in place all of the time, but we also have additional ones when we want to focus on something in particular. As this was really about me managing, most of these were designed to help me to feel better about myself. The rules for the new term are as follows:
- My original bedtime of 10.30 has been reinstated, with the addition of being off the computer by 10pm. (The SWC chats have meant some later nights the past while, as I can become easily caught up in a good conversation.
- I am back to drinking water during the day and my empty bottle must be presented on arriving home. I am also to stick to the food rules that we have set.
- I must exercise 5 times a week and also walk to and from work.
- Our previous coming-home routine will be reinstated – I make a coffee for Sir, we chat about the day, and then he tells me to go and get changed and gives me instructions about what I am to do next. During our conversation we will discuss the tasks that we both had on our to-do list and will update the list with any new tasks.
- Will will also re-establish our Wednesday talk time followed by the caning session as that is something that works well for us as a mid point connect through the week.
So far these things have really helped me. I don’t feel out of control and overwhelmed in the same way that I have done sometimes in the past. I have worked late all three days so far and yesterday I had to ask permission to work past the deadline time that we had agreed, but I have been able to switch off and get back into the right mindset when I came in. I feel tired but I know that by next week I will be used to it again so I feel ok about that. It is great the way that our communication allows us to address and manage problems and issues when they occur, but also means that we can use our experience to anticipate where things might be tough and prevent that from happening in the future.
Being honest and open about my thoughts and feelings has meant that we have reflected and talked about things that would have been left before. This is not because we wouldn’t have dealt with them but because we weren’t aware of them in the same way. We notice my behaviour and if I am off or out of line then we look at why. There is no tiptoeing around or making allowances, I am fully accountable. I think that sometimes people can see this as being about the punishment or the repercussions for such behaviour, but for me that is not nearly as important as the discussion we have about it as that is where we learn about each other, and that is where we can use what we have learnt in order to make changes and improvements.
I am hoping to have some kinkier things to post about soon as we also talked about some things that we would like to add in that department too. A change in routine is always a good time to shake things up a bit and try out something new so that is usually what we try to do. Often when we look back we have had good ideas in the past that may not always have been explored fully so that is another area where we look at what to bring back, a bit like we have done with the rules above. So all in all I am feeling tired but positive and thankful for the amazing, varied and exciting life that I have.
It sounds like you two have really figured out what works for you! Thank you for sharing?
Thanks Nora. I wouldn’t say we have it nailed yet but we get better all the time. Work in progress lol ?
That’s the spirit! As I get older, I realize that I will always be a work in progress and I am good with that 🙂
HL: If she drinks an additional bottle of water can we get the bedtime pushed back an hour? ?
Oooooo. Nice idea Princess – Glad that you asked him for me ?
lol I just read that and did. You are Domming me now. Don’t tell Em ?
That would be a no Princess. Missy needs regular sleep to keep her migraines in check. Nice try though!
Is there an unlike button?
I was actually writing about Ruby in the schoolroom when you posted. 🙂
I have a job interview tomorrow, speaking of changes.
The rules are even more vital now that you’re back teaching. I’m sure with your expertise and HisLordship’s cunning, all will be smooth sailing henceforth. Except when it snows, then it’s skating or skiing to work. 😉
Very true. And I don’t think we ever get it completely right which is nice as it would be dull if we didn’t have anything to learn from. Good luck with the interview – I bet you will be great and look forward to hearing how it goes.
sweet one … you are such a treasure – I feel for you but I am glad that it is just with a little adjustment things in your heart with settle . nothing like rules and structure to keep us safe…
but those summer moments with just you and dear Lordship . .. it is hard to give them up …
keep them safe and when you have a sad day… bring back some of those moments – live there for a while … it helps . ..
especially those really deliciously naughty moments …
I will. And thank you xx
…Màster surprised me on Saturday evening … I woke next to Him on Sunday morning … that evening and Sunday morning will hold me strong during these next few weeks. it will be a bitterly sad time, but … with thoughts of Him… there is NOTHING that I cannot manage with a kind word, a gentle heart and a big smile x
Thank you for this Missy! I learn so much from your posts.
You show such insight into yourself and your relationship with HL and you are so patient. The way you write your blog It’s wonderful to see the process unfold.
Thank you SG ?
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The idea of the transition being essential “drop” has given me something to think about tonight.
I definitely feel an emotional sub drop during a transition in the same way as I can a physical one post scene sometimes. In fact, I probably experience the emotional withdrawal or change in submission more keenly. ?
I’m a little concerned about my starting my new job. And also my Queen going back to work. Hopefully she can remain focused on our FLR. But the change in status will make that challenging–particularly the added fatigue!
Your post shows how routines can help couples deal with changes!
I bet you will be due for one of those yourself post wonderful holiday. Hope that you had a good time and are feeling relaxed ?
I can so relate to that and it doesn’t seem to matter how ,inch you anticipate it or how much you prepare yourself, it is always a bit of a transition. Good luck with it all – I will have my fingers crossed for you both ?
This post came at the perfect time. My routine has been totally thrown for a loop the last 2 weeks. And I’ve really felt it. You reminded me of its importance.
Thinking of asking Daddy for some additional guidance and structure in that area.
I can really relate to that. When I feel stressed my natural default is to try to micro manage and to push all other help away. Sir used to recognise this and give me the space that I asked for but now we have realised that actually what I need to for him to take more of the control from me. When he does this I can quite quickly feel my stress deflating and my mindset returning to being more submissive. Good luck with your chat – I hope it has the desired outcome ?
So glad to have found this post at a time when Master and I are due to return to work, after a blissful week of almost full-time training and ownership. i’m feeling a bit sad and worried about it too, and it’s affected my submission today. I wanted to ask, do you and His LordShip have any kind of particular ritual that you ever follow to reaffirm your positions to one another?
Hi pet. I am so glad that you found the post helpful and I feel for you in that return to work. We have a number of rules and rituals that we follow most of the term but some times (holidays for example) some of these may be relaxed or replaced with others. We try to think about what our needs are and find things that will support us with that. So in the holidays it may be about keeping that connection when we are around other family or friends and during term time it will be about keeping close when we are apart all day and managing the pressures of work etc. For me going back to work means that I am in control and taking the lead in that part of my life which is an adjustment.
What we did this time was to be really strict with the rules and expectations that are part of the tight routine that we need during the school term. So I had to really focus on things like eating and drinking, exercising and bedtime. This meant that my sense of doing what Sir wanted was at the fore but also that I felt better for it. We tried to keep close by sending messages to each other during the day and by having lots of physical contact and time to talk in the evenings. We used the talk time and cane session half way through the week to reinforce the dynamic and keep us close. We discussed how things were going and made plans for things we wanted to do. One of our rituals for transition is that when I get in from work each day then I go to Sir and kiss him. I will then make him a coffee and we will sit and talk briefly about the day. He then tells me to go and get changed and lets me know what he wants me to do after; this could be helping with dinner or completing a chore or it could be to sit for half an hour and check my WordPress. What ever it is, he takes charge of my time and that helps us to set the right tone.
I think that rules and rituals don’t have to be complex in order to work. They should be things that will help you in a small way to keep your mindset and to keep the connection between you. If they are too onerous or complicated then they will end up not happening, particularly through a period of adjustment when there are extra pressures on you already. Hope that helps.
That you so much for taking the time to reply in such detail!
I will speak to Master about the points you raised, as we both like the idea of my training helping me to be healthier, and more efficient too.
One thing that makes our return to work extra complicated is that we work together! (we co-own business).
I tend to get very controlling and demanding at work, so it will be an extra hard adjustment to keep that side in check!