What’s on

"What's on, honey?"

Sometimes I look at the world around me and I wonder why society seems to be so frigid about accepting kink and BDSM. I suppose it has this dark reputation and is viewed as being for those who are a little deviant or out there. However, other times I look and am confused by the double standards. As a teacher of sex education, I do know that here in stuffy old Britain, there is more on our compulsory curriculum about sex than in many of the US states, although I realise that it can vary a lot over there. We are teaching about sex and relationships and will inevitably end up covering the sort of misconceptions that teens are left with, when their most accessible source of information is often porn. Having said that, D/s remains a bit taboo and I have felt for a while that what we need to help our D/s cause is for a sophisticated celebrity couple to come out and endorse our lifestyle – maybe Will and Kate? 

HisLordship and I rarely watch television, but due to a three day menstrual migraine, I have been able to do very little with my time. (If any fellow sufferers out there have a suggestion as to what might help it would be gratefully received as I am currently losing three to five days each month and nothing I try seems to work!)  Anyway, health tips aside, our viewing options seemed a bit limited – we are currently not watching anything; The Handmaid’s Tale has finished and we are up-to-date with Game of Thrones. Sir found an ‘8 out of 10 Cats’ version of ‘Countdown’ so we snuggled up to watch that. The first surprise came during the adverts, when there was an advertisement for Love Honey, one of the online sex toy shops that we have used.

While sex has become a much more open topic, I have not noticed adverts such as this before and we were both quite surprised. I think that this is a good thing as it gets around that idea of these things being sordid and dark so hopefully the more open approach will be a plus. Following the end of the show, however, came the announcement for the next show – ‘Naked Attraction’ hosted by Anna Richardson. We have seen a few of the shows she has done, and from an education point of view some of these can be really interesting for me to watch, so we agreed to give it a try. It transpired that this was not a new show as it was the second series. The first was aired in 2016.

It seemed to be a sort of ‘Blind Date’ type format. But Cilla would be staggered by the twist, as this dating game show involved one clothed person choosing a date from six
naked contestants. Their bodies are revealed from the feet up and the contestant and the host are free to go up and have a look. There seemed to be jiggling of penises on command and a variety of other gestures in order to help them decide who to eliminate. Once I got over the shock, I felt a bit sorry for some of the naked bodies, at the running commentary that was taking place about them. It was direct to say the least and possibly a little brutal in parts. But then again, anything for a minute of fame.

The show continues as more of the naked bodies are revealed and the contestant continues to eliminate based on ‘naked attraction’. Faces now seen and voices heard, it is narrowed down to two possibilities, upon which the contestant also removes their clothes so that we can all have a good look and the participants can also comment on what they see. A final selection is made from the two who remain and then they go off on a date, returning 6 weeks later to give feed back. There is an advert break – more sex toys, some perfume, a car, and a some healthy yogurts – and then we are back for a new contestant to pick from another six naked bodies. Odd was not really in it. I think it was more shock factor that kept us watching than the fact that the show bore any attraction, naked or otherwise, for us.

So this is what the real world has been doing while we have been chatting about Domination and submission and playing with some anal toys in the privacy of our own bedroom! It did make me wonder. Are things changing? Are we moving on? The last year has seen the airing of other shows ‘sex shows’ on terrestrial television such as ‘The Great British Sex Survey’ where they revealed and discussed Britain’s top 10 fetishes:  Body Fetishes, Threesomes, The Sex Toy, Watersports, Humiliation, Cross Dressing for Sex, Material Fetishism, BDSM, Sexy Selfies and Uniforms. Not to mention ‘Sex Box’ where couples have sex with each other in a box during the show and then discuss it with a panel of sex experts afterwards!

I feel a little conflicted. I am pleased that things are becoming more open and that sex is not the dirty secret that it once was. But I am also unsure that the normalising of sex for the sake of it is a step forward. It all seems to focus on the thrill and leave the really important things undiscussed – back to the classroom for relationships education I guess. And now I have to unpick an even stranger set of misconceptions than the porn left for me! I think that was the problem with the discussion of Britain’s best loved fetishes; it looked at it in a clinical and factual way – this is what the fetish involves and here is someone doing it. That sort of presentation of anything ‘alternative’ is not helpful to allowing others to see what it can involve because it is not really normalising it, merely highlighting is as a bit of an oddity.

Sex, even sex in a box in front of a studio audience, a panel of experts and a film crew, will involve feelings. I imagine there will be quite a few conjured up following that particular scenario that you may not expect to have had and that is the problem with treating sex as a simple act, because the associated feelings are far from simple. Maybe if the wider public were able to see D/s in terms of how it makes you feel rather than in terms of what you actually do, it would be more generally accepted as being something positive rather than as being something a bit weird or odd. One can hope, I suppose, that we wise up soon and begin to delve a little deeper into some of these previously forbidden sexploits now that they are being given a little bit of mainstream television exposure. Anyway, now that I have got that off my chest, I wonder if there is time to flick on the TV and see what is on?

Posted in Submissive Musings and tagged , , , , .


  1. Now I owe you thanks for two things! The thoughtful commentary is a given but I’m suddenly oddly happy to not have TV.
    My big fear remains with a normalcy coming to “D/S”. It is a place where damage can come as quickly as pleasure. Something like the feeling I have when I see most folks with a chainsaw. “Are you sure you should be doing this?”

    • Lol that is very true. And I am with you in the no TV. I would happily get rid of it but I am seriously outvoted on that one. We actually watch relatively little – well I do. I love the chainsaw analogy ?

      • Polesaws (a chainsaw on a 10′ stick) are one of my favorite points. Everyone worries about people getting ____ (input favorite fear) but any fool with money can have a polesaw. Go figure.

  2. I’ve often thought that Will and Kate were the ‘Royals’ most likely to practice D/s.
    TV is all about ratings, and having a discussion about the emotional ‘nakedness’ of D/s, can’t hold the attention of real naked bodies.

    • I suppose for some people it is an escape. It made me glad that I had so many other things going on in my life that I prefer to do. Alhough it was really funny in an I-can’t-believe-I-am-actually-seeing-this kind of way.

  3. It’s not much of a backlog to get through but if you liked 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown you’ll probably like Big Fat Quiz Of The Year. (Good chance you already know about it, but hey, if you’ve missed one of Jimmy Carr’s side gigs, you might have missed two, right?) I’ve watched the 2012 episode about four times. I won’t tell you how funny I think it is because nothing ruins comedy like someone insisting beforehand how funny it is. (Seriously, four times.)
    I grew up in a rural conservative backwater; you can imagine the horrors of a sex ed teaching plan deliberately designed to be too little too late. They segregated us by gender and taught us the absolute bare minimum required by law mixed with enough scare tactics to make our testicles re-ascend. We learned that sperm travels from the vas deferens directly into the fallopian tubes via absolutely no adjoining processes whatsoever, and that this makes your girlfriend pregnant every single time so keep it in your pants you little bastards.
    I’m sure you’re closer to this than I am but now I’m hearing about ten year olds walking in and asking about triple penetration and dogging and rectal prolapsing and suddenly I empathize with our parents wanting us to stay innocent as long as possible. The hardest part for me to hear was barely pubescent boys telling the girls that hairy pussies were disgusting. As if these girls didn’t already have enough reasons for body dysmorphia already. “Oh, you’re anorexic? That’s cute. How about a healthy dose of trichotillomania on the side?”
    I can’t speak for the UK but over here we can’t seem to grasp the concepts of freedom and responsibility at the same time, and what we desperately need is both. To ease back this repressive attitude towards deviant sex without also tossing away notions like relationships and feelings. The DSM-V (the standards manual for psychatric diagnoses) took a huge step up from the DSM-IV by eliminating the entire concept of sexual deviance; sexual perversion is no longer considered a valid mental illness. So there’s one small step I guess, but again this only eases up the restriction side; it does little to shore up the responsibility side.
    Sorry to write such a novel in your comments! Thank you for a great thought-provoking post!

    • I appreciate the comment. The topic of sex Ed and how much we tell them is an interesting one. The focus for us is on educating them about sex and relationships and how to remain safe and healthy. I think that teaching has changed and it is not about lecturing them in certain things but a focus on learning the skills they will need for life, so much of the time we are facilitating discussion on a topic and with each class that can go in a different direction as it is to do with the needs of those individuals. We talk a lot about the associated feelings and make sure that they know where to find reliable information and where to get help and advice. We cover the basics I guess but any question is taken seriously so it becomes a safe place for them to ask those things they wonder about. Looking things like that up online can often lead them to see things they might be better not to. The questions are usually quite innocent and quite sensible, especially with the younger years. Across the board I try to stress the need for consent and the fact that we are all different and that there is no right or wrong where sexuality and sexual preference is concerned.

  4. If never laughed so much as when I saw naked attraction. Wtf it’s so odd. But yeah there’s Def more on tv than there used to be. And you’re spot on its all about the physical and acts rather than connection and emotions

    • We did have a good laugh too. One guy looked like Thor and had a really nice body but he was rejected because of his accent. It must be so humiliating – and not in a good way!

  5. What an interesting and fun post! I second the sentiment that you guys have much better television than us in the States. If you think that the British culture is prude, I wonder what you think of American culture! 🙂

  6. Overall apart from Big Brother ( both versions) i am a news junkie & yet loved the early years of Sky TV. A lot of programmes back then were very open on all aspects of sex. Also Lifestyle was very revolutionary as was & is MTV. CBB & BB i love as sheer entertainment & fun. On the idea of alternative lifestyles being accepted i urge caution – and BDSM is not as accepted as much as many kinksters think. The odd thing swingers are more mainstream in British society & we must see ourselves as others see us. The media will offer us delusions as they exist in their own bubble. Their world is removed from Jack & Jill the kinksters in say Stoke or The Western Isles or Pembroke. Any local media will happily zoom in if anything goes wrong for Jack & Jill. Privacy will not matter nor will Jack & Jill’s family be spared. I am not saying BDSM should return to the closet but only expressing concern on any notion of being accepted.

    • I do see what you are saying and thank you for adding your thoughts. Sometimes I think I’d like to be more open but others I love having all of this as my own secret and keeping my worlds separate.

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