Sometimes when you do a thing a lot, you can lose sight of the wonder of it. It can be easy, I think, to let things become usual or normal or everyday. Although I hate to say it I think this is also true of ttwd. This thing that we do becomes exactly that – the thing that we do and because of that it can become as much part of our lives as anything. I remember when we first started, in the throws of sub-frenzy, I had an almost magical feeling about me. It was like the world became altered somehow and I was passing through, going about the same motions but living in my own dark and secret and exciting bubble.
As things have developed, the feelings that HisLordship and I have for one another have intensified. We have become so much more connected and so much more intimate. Initially this seemed incredible but over time is has become the usual for us. Sometimes when we look back at how far we have come we are surprised because the changes have happened so slowly that we aren’t always aware what a big shift there has been. I think that this applies to the way we manage situations, support each other and interact with one another. It can also be applied to our physical relationship too. The things that once we saw as deviant and taboo, the stuff of fantasies, have now become regular parts of our armoury of kink, they have become a reality for us.
We have always tried not to lose site of the magic that we have, even though it has become the norm. It is easy to take it for granted and forget that what you have might be the exception, and not the rule, for most relationships. We spent some time talking today about how the sexual charge of the power exchange makes us feel, as our play can be determined more and more at the moment by the opportunities that present themselves in terms of an empty house. This certainly doesn’t help the spontaneity of the exchange and in a “Quick they are out! Put on your cuffs while I grab the cane!” type of way, I think it can lead to us not always communicating with one another about the need and the desire that we have for it.
The need he has to own my body, to control it and make it his, is as strong as the need that I have for him to do that very thing, The desire to want to be consumed, to become one, to exist only for each other and in response to each other, where nothing else matters even only for so long as that is the case, it a powerful feeling. Talking today about what drives us has been a good and timely reminder of what it is that we are doing, and why. Just having the time and space to articulate what is obvious and there already, has been significant in reinforcing and igniting the passion and the hunger that we have for one another.
He is definitely my dark fairy-tale. He is all I have ever wanted and a bit more besides. He is the handsome knight who has swept me off my feet and whisked me away to his dark castle where he will do the things that I desire but that have never been spoken. And his less romantic but probably more physical dream, has me as the stuff of twisted fantasies where he can do all of those things that he never thought possible and have me still crawl to his feet, begging for more. It is truly magical and I never want to lose site of that, even when we are in the middle of being that very lovely but very average couple next door.
Posted in Submissive Journal.