Submissive Plateau?

I wrote this post before and didn’t post it initially. I showed it to HisLordship and have decided now to post it as a sort of two-part post so this is Part one. Here is a link to Part two.
The last few days has got me to thinking that I may have reached a plateau in terms of my submission.  I am not upset about this as I am really pretty delighted to be where I am; we formalised our commitment to live in a D/s dynamic coming up for three years ago now and when I look back at how far I have come on my personal journey, there is no way that I could be disappointed. And there is also no way that I could go back, so I suppose what I am pondering is whether or not I will continue to take my submission to a deeper level, or whether I will be content to just enjoy the place that I am now at. 
Really I think the direction we take now is dependent more on HisLordship than it is on me.  It was actually during the summer of 2012 that I realised that I was submissive and asked him if he thought that we could try to work D/s into our relationship. It was unusual in a way, because although the Dominance part meant that he was leading more overtly than he had ever done, it had been at my request so he turned to me to provide information and an explanation of what I wanted from him and for how I wanted him to be. This was not without its issues and it took us a while to find a balance that seemed to work for us, and after those first two years of a bit on and off as we struggled to make it fit, we finally made a formal commitment that this was what we wanted.
Even then, I think that Sir sometimes felt less confident and natural in his role than I did in mine, however, always the gent, he embraced it as fully as he could and I appreciate the fact that a huge part of this was because he knew it was what I wanted. There were aspects that he loved of course and I think it is fair to say that he took to the bedroom Dominance more readily than in the other areas, which was probably because I had already established quite tight control of the domestic and family things. The bedroom was also an area where I found it much easier to submit control to him too so that made perfect sense. In addition, although we had dipped our toes into some kinky waters before, he liked being able to experiment further with this and take it to a new level. He also enjoyed the change in my attitude an approach towards him and also in terms of my general demeanour.
So I do not mean to cast aspersions into HisLordship’s commitment to this at all. He has embraced his role fully and we have been able to establish a 24/7 style dynamic together where the D/s has been woven throughout the various areas of our marriage. We have rules and rituals which help to support the structure and keep us in the right mindset, and through our open communication we have build an intimacy and trust that we never could never have sustained before.  It is for these reasons that if I have reached a plateau in terms of my submission, then I am more than happy just to kneel in front of him and enjoy being his.
I suppose my thinking comes from the fact that, up until now, I have pushed myself to give up more and more control to him. I think that for those of you who read my blog, you will see that my form of submission is a large part active and I think that this is the reason that I may have reached my summit. I have asked to be his submissive, I have asked that he take more control and I have offered up my submission as a sort of gift to him.  It has not always been easy to relinquish control in some areas and I have not always been successful in doing it, but I have tried my best and he has encouraged and supported me with that.
However, I now find myself at the point that my nature is fighting any further give. Where I may want to submit further and more deeply for him, my behaviour at points can work against that. I think that in order to move further now I would require him to be taking more from me and until now, I think that I have subconsciously made this difficult. I think that giving up complete control is hard and often life has given us a set of survival strategies to protect us and they don’t always fit with what you want to do in an ideal world.
We have discussed the fact that in order to make further progress, he would need to push some of the boundaries that I have set, and to take my submission through his Dominance of me, so who knows where this will lead. I am not sure how easily, willingly or successfully I would be pushed past this, or how much he wants to go there. I guess only time will tell and we will see. Feeling that I have reached a plateau is not a bad thing for me but I do wonder whether he would like my support in tackling some of the less helpful behaviours that I still have. Watch this space.

Posted in Submissive Journal and tagged , , , , .


  1. Most important part is your acknowledgement of submission as a gift. Marriage, dominance and submission are gifts, you give of yourself to another and you care for that which you are given. As to the rest, one of my bad stories comes to mind but, like most, it has a point.
    The girly-girl and I have a tradition of sorts. Each year we hike up a nearby mountain. We carry snacks and such for a breather at the top. It’s only about 4,000 feet but it offers a 360 degree view. Sitting on that rock and hugging as we share a snack, we take in the world that is around us and our relationship.
    It’s not the highest peak. It’s not the hardest climb. It’s not even the world’s prettiest view. BUT, it’s our climb, our peak and our view. We are happy to be on that plateau together and, on the way down, we laugh and look ahead to next time.

  2. As someone very new to D/s, I greatly appreciate reading this. Like with all things in life, the journey changes with time. Daddy and I are at the start of our journey…everything is shiny and new. But, I look forward to when I feel that I have attained submission…it is still a struggle for me most days.

    • You sound from your writing that you have already attained a great level of submission. I honestly think that it is all down to the relationship in terms of how and where you want to go. Ours is a changing, evolving thing and that is as it should be I think. Life events happen and you adapt to accommodate those and re-evaluate where you need and want to be. As long as you are making the journey together then I don;t think the route or the pace matters.

  3. It’s the journey, not the bumps and stumbles along the way; the stubbed toes and abrasions we pick up when trying a new pace. It’s not about what used to be, or might happen later, it’s the quiet submission in the moment when a smile warms your heart.

  4. We are in very similar places, Missy. I felt a bit disappointed when I initially figured out that’s what it was, but am so elated to be in this place! We’ve come so far and have reaped the benefits, of which I could never have imagined. I am sometimes disappointed with myself when I find that what I want/wish I could so easily do isn’t how my behavior plays out in real life. On the other hand, it’s presto damn amazing that M is comfortable holding me accountable and leading and pushing my boundaries when he feels it’s necessary. It’s quite different from being in the place where I was doing the offering and he was figuring out what his dominance looked like. But, it’s the most wonderous place! Thank you for sharing, it’s wondeful to relate.

    • I am always surprised – in a great way of course – at the parallels between us. So reassuring to know someone who has been there before or is in the same place ❤️

  5. smiles – food for thought in the shop today – i know what my immediate reaction to this is – that life and submission is a journey – a never ending, mostly glorious journey. With each day brings either quiet moments or …
    Maybe to be on a plateau… is just enjoying what there is for that moment… but i don’t think that our submission ever really stops growing. But with each of us – in our own ways x

  6. I think new things grown in fast spurts like children, once they are established growth is slower, steadier. You’ve worked on the obvious, easier things to mold them how you want them to be. You’ve got the overall shape now you are working on the details. You’ve cleaned out the old messy house and now it’s mostly maintenance until you want to reorganize, redecorate. I may have too many metaphors, lol. Maybe your nature just needs some time too loosen it’s iron grip. You can take the time to slowly tease apart the tangles of ingrained defenses, defenses you many no longer need. I’m glad you are at a good point right now. Take the time to enjoy it. I think enjoying the journey is as important as the journey itself. ?

    • I like your metaphors and I think they do explain what is happening. I can relate to the idea of sorting out the tangles and working through them too. A slow teasing apart sounds about right! Thank you Beth ?

  7. Pingback: Journey, Juxtaposition and Journaling – submissy

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