My head tends to be a busy place to be. This is normal for me and I have come to accept it, but it is not always conducive to being a good submissive. The Dominance helps of course and it is one of the big attractions for me. Especially in the bedroom, it is a way of switching off the thoughts which can plague me and stop my focus being where I want it to be. This was part of our recent discussion about areas for growth. I asked HisLordship to help me to work on my submission in a number of areas, and one of them was working on my mindset, especially in the morning.
I think that as the day progresses and we are around each other, I become more focussed on Sir and am therefore better able to meet his needs. I have noticed that first thing in the morning, this comes less easily to me. Part of our agreement is that I am available physically to him whenever he wants. This is a nice thought and one that actually turns us both on. The thought that I am ready for the taking whenever he wants has a real appeal for me, and for him the thought that his every wish and desire will be met openly is something that he has welcomed. In reality, however, it is not something that he makes use of all that much. There have been occasions where he has used me simply for his own pleasure but he prefers, usually, that I get something more than just his pleasure from the exchange.
Of course, by pleasing him I find my own pleasure, but often he wants more than this; he wants to know that I am getting as much from it as he is. This can be more tricky in the morning as he wakes feeling horny and physically ready, whereas I seem to take longer to warm up. I had wondered if this was because I had kind of retreated into my own head during the night and so I asked if we could work on me being able to get into my submissive mindset more quickly. We talked about how this might work and part of my additional holiday tasks has become to touch him (in any way I choose) when I first wake, and to try to think only of sexy thoughts while I do it.
This seemed like a good idea. I had suggested that morning sex every day for a few weeks would probably leave my body looking for it in the end and I know that then my mind would quickly fall into place. We have tried such training in other areas and it seems to have a pretty good success rate for us. So this was his way of adapting that idea in order to find a starting point for helping me to get as quickly to the same place in the morning, as I do at other times of the day. Today was day 1. It was interesting to wake with a task and I was pleased that it was at the front of my mind as I came too. Off to a good start, I rolled over and began to touch him.
I enjoyed what I was doing and for the first few minutes was thinking about him (he is my sexy thought) like he had asked. It was interesting though that after a very short time, something that I had been thinking about previously came to mind. I pushed it out and another thought came. And another and another. I felt like my mind was slowly re-booting with all the stuff of the previous day. It was like the thoughts we re-filling my head thick and fast like a deck of cards being shuffled into place. It was a struggle to take control and in the end I just had to let them come in and continue what I was doing but I was able to see quite clearly what my problem was. My focus was gone.
I am glad that this is something that we talked about and something that I am going to work on improving. I realise that I do over think a lot of things and as a general rule, I probably continue past the point where my thinking is efficient. To practise this will be useful to me in lots of areas so it is something that I will persevere with. I am not unrealistic and I know that there will always be times that I am able to give more of myself than at others, but I do think that by shifting my thinking, and by practising I will move forward. Sir’s idea is not just to focus my mind, but to engage my body, so hopefully the combination of reward for a job done well will lead to success and a greater pleasure all round.
Training the mind and the body
Posted in Submissive Journal and tagged communication, lifestyle, relationships, sex, submission.
Daily morning sex with Sir is something that I do crave now that it has become one of our routines. It sets the tone for our days. Often, it has been helpful for us to speak in the evening of any morning challenges that I may have, including changing the wakeup alarm to alleviate any anxiety about time. I love waking to the feeling of his hand on my skin and being pulled closer to him. I am certain that you will soon find success in your morning mindset.
Thanks toy – I will let you know how it goes ❤️
Your paragraph about the thoughts filing themselves, reminds a little of the scene in Ghostbusters when the library ghost shoots all the index cards into the air.
Ignoring your thoughts doesn’t make them go away. What does is to acknowledge them, then let them drift out the other side without anchoring and disrupting your focus.
I did have an image in my head but couldn’t find a picture for it. It is moving on that is hard for me. I acknowledge and I think and I talk but closure is hard.
“It was like the thoughts we re-filling my head thick and fast like a deck of cards being shuffled into place.” What an amazing sentence, something I can emphatically agree with! Waking thoughts are pervasive, especially when you don’t want them to cloud out your focus or excitement. Great to hear that you are dedicated to your Sir and yourself in this way. Enjoy!
Well day 2 and it was a little easier so here’s hoping ?
I wish I had advice for you but am afraid that I don’t. Maybe adding music to your morning might help. But those pesky thoughts will cause uproar.
Hmmm I hasn’t thought about music but will consider that. Thank you ?
From psychology’s point of view, the idea of focusing the mind and engaging the body definitely does better because you are using more neurotransmitters in the brain, and the more you use the better you remember. And if you have trouble focusing the mind start verbalizing the sexual things you want to do to him, or have him do to you, it adds even more neurotransmitters, and helps focus on the sexual activities and submission instead of the previous day’s thoughts.
Oh fantastic. Thank you for the help and I will try with the verbalising. That is something that I try to avoid but I can see it makes sense to add that in. I think Sir will enjoy it if I can master that too ?
You’re welcome, and good luck on your quest during this summer break. — AJT
Each morning Master will always ask the Kit what are you grateful for. And Kit will come up 3 things from previous day that she is really greatful for. It was easy at first, but there are days when that’s actually really hard. Master is always pleased when Kit comes up with the most random thing to be greatful for haha. It kind of help with your mindset in the morning as well.
I could see that would be a great start to the day. Thanks for sharing Kit.
Having your brain fill up with thoughts for the day reminds me of something I do: Sometimes my thoughts won’t leave me alone because I’m worried about forgetting something. Trying to push them away just doubles the worry because I am literally trying to forget them. Scheduling time each morning for planning helps me tell those thoughts “You have an appointment at 7:30, come back then.”
A good idea. I do think a lot of it is in the way you view and approach it. ? Self control! Perhaps that is more of a Dominant trait though? I could definitely get better at it.
It’s worth a shot, but you do make a fair point: how could you win here by doubling down on your submissive traits? I can think of some things that are specific to Beth’s and my dynamic, but they wouldn’t be a good fit based on what you’ve already described (e.g. we’re both satisfied with sex where I she gets attention but I get the pleasure). Whatever you try, please share!
Goooo Missy ….. my Sir and I wake up at very different times in the morning. I find for myself personally the morning is also a challenging time because my mind hits the ground running of what did not get done yesterday and everything that’s on my plate for today. I will share one thing we try and do in the morning is actually shower together even if it’s just washing his back being in his arms under the hot water running on both of us !
Nice idea curvey. ?
It’ll be interesting to hear how you are able to train your self to silence those thoughts.
Many years ago now when Mester and I started to explore what to become our D/s dynamic my head was a messy place. When ever having sex. any sex. it trough at me thoughts about anything but what we were doing – work, the kids, next days dinner… what ever to pull my thoughts away from what i was doing. I learned to push them aside, telling myself i had enough time to think about this later. As i got better at it my brain started to push forward older and older memories. For some time there i think i vent through every traumatic childhood memory from a younger and younger me. Luckily these were things i had work through earlier, i knew i had put them behind me, so to speak, they could not hurt me or throw me off anymore. I literately told my brain to shut up.
I bet a psychologist would have a field trip in al the whys and hows to this phenomena. Well what ever reason i learned to tell my self that this is what i want. I had chosen to be in that activity. To do those things. I owed it to my husband and my self to be fully engaged. To be focused on what i did in the moment.
Sorry that was a lot of me me me lol
That was a very interesting insight blomst so thank you for sharing. I like the way you told yourself to focus and reminded yourself it was what you wanted. It is indeed interesting. ?