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711a6a0c171c2321f568aa4dbb829d3dI find that sometimes I can become caught up in life and become passive rather that active in affecting how things play out in our relationship. As a submissive I can justify this, thinking that I have offered myself, therefore I have done my part. But really that is not being fair to my relationship, or to HisLordship. Being submissive does not mean that I am not responsible for contributing in a positive and active way, although it is easy to fall into that, and sometimes when I take stock I realise that my actions have been quite passively submissive. Is it right for me to expect action from my Dominant, simply because I have offered myself in an open-ended way? I am laughing at that expression, considering the type of activity we often engage in. True, I am open (both ends) for use as he sees fit but have I done my part just because this offer is on the table?
Which sort of proves my point as if Sir wished to take me on the table then of course he could, but the other day when I suggested it he was delighted. I made this offer as he had hurt his back and I wondered if me being on the kitchen table might offer a more comfortable position for him, but for him it was more than that. I think that sometimes, even in D/s, we can become a bit stagnant, and the pressure on a Dom to be the inspiration as well as the planning and the action seems a little unfair at times. Of course it is lovely when this happens but it is also great for him if I have been the inspiration and done some planning or preparation of my own. I don’t think that this is topping from the bottom (the ultimate insult for a submissive) but simply being active in the relationship.
Sir is firmly in control but if I make a suggestion or act or say something particular then he often really likes it. He will decide when or where he wants to take it of course. I think that he likes it because although he knows that he has me, he still wants to know that I want him. He said that he found it hard at the start as although I told him I wanted him and showed him with my responses he felt that wasn’t the same as me acting upon it. So now I do, but probably not as much as he would like. So I got to thinking that although I was a sure thing because the offer was permanently there, I should offer myself a bit more obviously than usual. This is always tricky as the thought that I might be rejected somehow always makes me anxious. The thought that I am giving him my body, and I have some underlying issues with how I see myself also adds to this tension. But that is often a good starting point to build upon.
Although I am being active, I have to be in a completely submissive frame of mind to do this which is interesting. First of all, I have to overcome any issues I have by focussing on what he wants and needs from me. This places me firmly in a submissive mindset even though I am instigating a potential play session. It also makes me feel incredibly vulnerable as I have had to put myself out there for rejection if he chooses not to take me up on my offer or suggestion. This means, conversely, that if he does go with it I am humbled and immensely grateful to him for playing along, things which also play well into the submissive mindset and quickly allow me to forget myself and slip deeply into that feeling of being his. So as I lie there with my face pressed into the sheet, my palms at either side of my head and my bum in the air, I wait for him to finish his bath, and I empty my mind of the trials of the day. I think about him and how he will react when he sees me and what he will do with me. I feel excited and nervous, safe and sexy, and small but significant.

Posted in Submissive Journal and tagged , , , .


    • I think the psychology of a relationship, and certainly in a D/s relationship, is at least as important as the physical activity. Being aware of our mindset, and how different facets of the dynamic affect us, is useful and desirable as a sub. Not being willing or able to discuss our insecurities, needs and the development of the relationship, or feeling able to act on them, makes things problematic.
      Missy, I love the way you openly share the way you think through your relationship with His Lordship. So much positivity comes from your posts, and I really thank you for it.

    • Yes I think it is because the emotional connection is so much part of it. The D/s is psychological and for me, something purely physical without that doesn’t work.

  1. Lovely post, Missy. It’s a balance to be sure, and definitely needs to come from the proper mindset for me, focused on him. Thanks for sharing this!

  2. Love It !! Thank you Missy ! a share form Curvey
    Married /together for over 30 years EEKS …absolutely….being the Dom keeping it Sub-HIGH would be overwhelming even with a seasoned Dom . My Sir LOVES …when I start a play thing, or I-have taken the time to write him a naughty-gram with some ideas…..or just crank up my favorite song to start strip dancing …..Please Sir Lets Play !!! Its the WAY … I creatively present these desires/playful thing to him . Sir will normally , Just scoop me up …and BOOM ….the Love /Play blooms ! I can promise when I want to play Puuuurrr MEOWZ….crawl up into his lap and suck him dry …he REALLY likes that creative /Play act 😉
    Living Happily d s After,

    • These are great ideas curvey and really show the way that you are able to inject your own enthusiasm, passion and love for your Sir into your relationship. If sounds like you know what works and I love the idea of your spontaneous strip dance. Oh to have an empty nest ?. Thank you for sharing.

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