When HisLordship first introduced regular caning on a Wednesday, I’ll admit that I wondered why. I am not sure why I had this reaction as I like it when he canes me but I think that I worried it might feel different if it was a regular scheduled thing and not part of our play. Sir had told me that he planned to have a regular discussion session where we would catch up on all things D/s. He said that we would go to bed in good time, I would complete our bedroom routine as usual and then I would present myself for a caning session. I think I was probably apprehensive about whether or not it would hurt and I wondered what would happen if I was not in the mood. It was during our Wednesday discussion that he first suggested it so we were able to talk about some of these things.
Sir reassured me and I realised that it was just because the context felt unfamiliar that I had felt a bit nervous. He had seemed somehow detached from the act when he described it and I think that I had assumed that was how it would feel when it happened. He had said that it wasn’t about play and that it wouldn’t necessarily be followed by further play. It was to be a caning session to celebrate and reaffirm our dynamic. He didn’t use the work maintenance but I suppose that really that is what it is. Actually when I think about it now I realise that he wasn’t being detached at all; ironically he was being my Dom, and I think his ‘Domliness’ made me feel that maybe I was going to be punished on a regular basis when I felt that I had done nothing wrong. I imagined those days mid week when I come back from work tired and vulnerable wanting nothing more to be wrapped up in his arms and I felt a little anxious about how it would be as a substitute.
I think that irrational fear is often the thing that makes me question and not just accept what is going to happen. The panic is part of the thrill, however, and it is something I have needed help to push past. This is one of the reasons that D/s works for us; prior to D/s I would have voiced those questions in a way that would have undermined Sir and that would have been a block to things happening. Now he can gently remind me that I am safe and that I trust him and I am able to get the nudge from him that I need. It is freeing to be spared from your own inhibitions so that you can experience new things and I see clearly that this sort of relationship has done that for me and in doing so it has allowed me to really grow as a person, under Sir’s encouragement and guidance.
Anyway it turns out that Wednesday canings are not scary at all. They are as erotic and as relaxing and as freeing and reassuring as the canings I receive any other day. But because of the regularity they are even more than that. I look forward to a Wednesday. I know that I am going to have that release and feel stronger for it. I know that we will have that close connection and that our dynamic will be reinforced by it. It is also a nice way to move on from the discussion that we have before it. During this discussion we will review the things we have been working on or trying, we will make plans for the direction we want to take things in next, and we will focus on topics of discussion that are relevant to the maintenance and growth of our D/s. It works really well to go from that emotional honesty together to a more physical expression of how we feel about each other.
The Wednesday sessions now act as a focus for me both physically and emotionally. My body has begun to crave them as much as my mind seeks them as a way of balancing things out. I can put everything else aside and just enjoy what we have and it is nice to be able to have that outlet during a busy week. I am thankful that Sir decided that it was something that we should do and can really appreciate the benefits now. It forces us both to stop at a time when we are so easily derailed by family life and the everyday stresses and strains. This is the life that we want and it helps to have a designated time to connect and focus without having to plan and schedule around other things. In a life where so much can be unpredictable at times, I am enjoying having something solid to hold on to.
Posted in Building a D/s Dynamic and tagged caning, communication, D/s, lifestyle, married-submissive, relationships.
I’m a big proponent of having regular sessions, call them maintenance for ease of verbiage, because they serve as punctuation for many flavors of D/s. Having a scheduled day or time to reconnect not only physically, but mentally and emotionally with the reasons why you chose D/s in the first place, is vital in maintaining the harmony and vitality of a relationship.
I agree. One of my favorite aspects of D/s is the sanctuary it creates away from the outside world’s chaos. Scheduled sessions help reinforce that discipline.
Caning leaves such beautiful stripes 🙂
Wednesday night was spanking, paddling, flogging and riding crop night for me as well this week. No cane though! And no talking – we have a separate night for that. But the ritual of having a night set apart for it is helpful, and important – we know to think about what we need to discuss, and we use it to discuss our relationship and keep everyday life out of it.