Online FrienDships

download-9It has been two weeks since I last posted and I am shocked at how fast things move.  To be honest it is the hideously fast pace of my life which has kept me away so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the same thing happens in the virtual world as it does in my life off-line. An even more crazy than normal workload at school, a wonderful visit from some D/s friends, and a birthday complete with teenage party and family celebration to arrange has kept me not only from writing but even from reading.  This has led me to realise two things: the first is how busy I am on a day to day basis and the second is how large a part of my life is spent in online communication and frienD/ships, be it through blogging, messaging services or by email contact.

Most of my online time is spent with a focus on D/s and I realise now how big a part that actually plays in helping to reinforce my mindset.  The majority of the rest of my real-time life is spent with a vanilla flavour and I have missed the way that engaging with other like minded people sparks my own imagination.  I think that communication on line lends itself to more natural reflection.  When I read something I tend to think about it and this can be really helpful for me, especially where my own submission is concerned.  I do also have a twitter account and from observing there it is evident that people use the comments, pictures and words of others to inspire and/or encourage a response in themselves.

I have always been a reader but my habits have moved in the past few years from reading literary fiction to reading about the thoughts, feelings, opinions and experiences of others. Time is probably a key factor in this shift as I no longer have time for both (as the last few weeks prove sometimes I even struggle with time for one) and it has been a case of prioritising the time that I have. Spending time, not just reflecting and evaluating, but also building relationships with others who are a continual support, has taken precedence. But it is clearly more than that as many of these other people not only support and encourage but also inspire and influence me.

I have never been a huge user of social media and my online presence prior to D/s was pretty small. I would have questioned the validity and safety of online relationships and had really not anticipated the impact and importance that they would have on me.  I have to admit, I quite quickly became hooked and, although still relatively careful, I have not proceeded with the caution that I would recommend (as a parent and a teacher) to others. Definitely a case of do what I say and not what I do!  But throwing caution to the wind, or at least to my browsing history, I have allowed my online and offline lives to become entwined and this is something that has really enriched my life.  Perhaps I have been lucky but I have met good, genuine people who are who they say the are and who are actually very similar to me.

D/s came to my door last weekend when, fresh from cyberspace, two of the couples who we had originally met in an online community came to say at our home.  It was amazing to be able to talk freely about relationships and kink without having to type it all out but it was also nice to watch them meet our children, sit and have dinner and do all of the normal things that people do.  We have met together on previous occasions but this has been away from home and has often had the focus of attending an event together so this was a little bit different.  I think that really it summed up the fact that the two sides of me and my life and actually more integrated than I sometimes think.  Each one may not have complete visibility of the other but actually there is a lot of overlap and that makes more a comfortable fit.

I don’t want things to be separate and secret.  I will be careful what I show to whom until there is a shared trust there but in order to further a relationship, you have to be open and honest. My life is about me being who I really am and the fact I am submissive to my husband is an important part of that.  The people who understand, encourage and support that are equally as important as those who understand, encourage and support me in other areas of my life, and those who I communicate with online play just as important a part as those who are down the road or around the corner.  So I am glad to be back to reading and writing and being inspired, motivated and reassured by others and their experience.

Posted in Submissive Musings and tagged , , , , .


  1. I’m happy to hear you were able to get together again. I miss you ladies. I’ve learned that having those actual people, in the flesh, to talk with makes such a difference. We don’t regret one bit joining our local kink community. Not just they online one. But actual friends to give hugs to. Hear the laughs. Cry with. Learn from. Hope you can all stay in contact that way.

  2. This speaks volumes for me at this moment. Life and WP struggles have kept me away (for the most part) these last few months. The relationships here are the same but different. They definitely feed and support a side of me and allow my mind to change gears for awhile.
    The freedom and access of the world we enjoy can certainly become an all consuming thing. Hopefully your world will slow it’s spin and the wit and wisdom will have more room.

  3. I can very much relate to this, Missy. Although, I write a lot less about it all, the reflecting and growing happens as much, or more. As M and I grow together, I find the need to write less, but not the need to connect, relate, and have people with whom I can communicate. Thank you. ?

  4. So much resonates again. As with many things- we can feel very alone when we feel “different”. There is a sense of approval, I think, when we are able to find and communicate freely with others of a similar mindset and persuasion.
    I know this feeling in both the D/s world which is why I found your help so invaluable – along with your Sir.
    I know it also from my work in energy medicine and zen and martial arts. To really find a place where people “get you” feels like coming home.
    Perhaps in time my Pretty Girl and I might like to meet up with others- not least you. It is important to my Pretty Girl that she feels she can relate to other married submissives- working mothers who are on the face of things leading “normal” lives.

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