Really this post should be called, surviving the holidays, with your D/s intact, or holiday tips. This can be difficult to do. There can be so many pressures on you – usually time and people – that keeping each other as your priority can be hard. In our efforts to meet the, sometimes unreasonable and unrealistic, demands of others, we can stop meeting the much simpler and less demanding desires of each other. I think that this happens to everyone and HisLordship and I have certainly found holidays a challenge in the past. We love the chaos and whirlwind that having a large family brings but amidst the endless cooking, taxi driving and entertaining, it can be hard to keep that connection.
The first thing to remember is to communicate. You need to make time each day to sit down and talk properly together. This isn’t always easy when your usual routine is interrupted. Finding time alone might be really difficult but it is important that you do manage to make that happen. Whether it is last thing in the day, first thing in the morning, or a walk to buy a pint of milk or drop off one of the kids at a party, we try to make sure we find the time and that has helped. In the early days we would be so busy that we didn’t make time or grab the opportunities, but leaving it to chance really took its toll a few times and when we finally did get the time alone, we had come off track a bit which made things harder and a reset was required.
Observing your usual protocols can also be a challenge when the house is full (or fuller than usual). Your routines can be out and that can make it hard to keep in the mindset. Somehow as the stress of caring for others and meeting their needs builds, being submissive (or Dominant for that matter) takes a back seat. Sometimes we are forced to make decisions without consulting with each other, sometimes those are made for us, and sometimes we have found ourselves in that situation when you are pushed just to react without even thinking things through. So, now, Sir and I have agreed things that we can say and do in order to keep with it. A word, a look, a touch will be agreed beforehand and it will carry a meaning that will help to centre us both and keep that connection amidst all that is going on.
A lot of the things we do will be our usual protocols for when we are out, but sometimes when we have guests we will agree to do these even though we are home. For example I will think about the way that I phrase my sentences in public to allow HL to tell me what he wants or make a decision about what I should do. I will make sure that I sit always to his right and close to him, and he will touch my neck or put pressure on my lower back to remind me that he is there or make it clear that he wants my attention. He may also assert his Dominance over me through things such as a requirement to wear no underwear, remove any if I am wearing it, or use a butt plug. We try to talk about protocol before going out if possible, particularly when we know the situation will potentially cause strain – family events, especially those including ex partners, will need special attention here as we have found through experience! Whispering my name, or saying something which has a different meaning for us is also really great at helping to keep the mindset.
Another thing that I have found has helped with keeping my submissive mindset is having some time on my own just to reflect on my submission and on my love and need to please Sir. Kneeling really helps but I have even resorted to sitting in the bath and using that time to focus on him and to keep what is important at the centre. Sometimes I have found that I can be easily wound up by family etc with really thinking about why. I think that we can all revert to responding as we did as a child when that happens and not really process what is happening with our adult experience and knowledge. Time to think will allow me to consider any issues which I need to highlight to Sir for discussion or just give me time to think about him and connect with the person I am for him, rather than the person I can be when under pressure and stress caused by outside events.
I don’t think that any of this is anything new or different but I do think it can be easy to forget and take each other and the connection you have for granted when life is hectic and your usual space and routine is altered. We have found that it works for us to address this and make sure that we are able still to give the time and consideration to each other that we will do to the others around us. At the end of the day, or week, they will eventually all go home and you can close that bedroom door and be who you really want to be again, and that thought is something that Sir and I will rely on and share and it will help to get us through, D/s intact.
Good insight ma’am.
My view as I once explained to the one who lived here is:
“No where we go is as important as the home we leave and no one arriving there is more important than those there already.”
I really like that way of looking at it and will try to keep that in mind. Thank you ?
I agree wholeheartedly. This is a rather stressful time and it is so easy to get caught up in the drama of the season and family, communications fall by the wayside. Boyfriend and I have been working on maintaining ours even though he is in another state with his relatives. It can get tricky but so far we have made it work. We survived with our sanity (and relationship) intact. ?
It’s the smallest things that can work, as well. He checks to make sure I am eating, for instance. This shows me that he’s thinking of me and that he cares about my well-being, which reinforces his feelings for me so I don’t feel lonely. It doesn’t take grand gestures to keep the dynamic flowing.
Being apart must be a real challenge and I agree with you about the small gestures. This can be a time where it seems more about the bigger more showy things but the every day thought and consideration is much more important. Thank you for commenting ?
Communication, constantly staying connected, and reflection are all positive actions and worth the effort. Good post, missy. — AJT