I have that overwhelming need for you tonight. It started as a seed in my mind – from what I am not sure. A word, a thought, an action? But it has grown, my body nurturing it, until it has developed and it will be heard. It is a need that only you can answer. It is dark and unforgiving and only being broken will quieten its voice. It used to leave me feeling desperate and vulnerable and unsure and I didn’t understand it. But now that your darkness answers mine, I can be at peace. I am not afraid, rather I am strengthened by what will be both my undoing and my resurrection.
We have been at close quarters all week. Dancing around each other, back and forth in the rush of our lives, has brought no relief and so instead of a natural course, it begins to feel more extreme. It is so physical and so base. And that is what it looks for in return. I trust that you will answer it soon ….. and so it begins. I am not sure whether this is something you feel also. Our roles mean that you can express it differently, so I am never sure. I know that for me there can be only one way. Let it be known and wait for release. And so the words are spoken – the humiliation in having to admit my need just validates it further, and you know that.
I wonder at this strange life. I can’t remember what happened before but that realisation shows me how far we have come, in that I now know only one way to approach this. But as much as it is a need and something that I have to ask for, it is a testament to who we are. It is the fuel that feeds us at the same time as being the consequence of what we are to each other. To admit my need to be shattered and broken apart, to be lost in something that only we know, and to cling to you for survival, is what makes us and defines what we have. I want to be you, to become part of you and what you are. I want to see that understanding in your eyes and hear it in your voice and know that I am home, that I am safe and that I am yours.