I was never really much into nipple play. In fact, when I met HL, I told him not to bother wasting time with my nipples as touching them didn’t do anything for me. OMG how wrong I was! I am not exactly sure what he did but he has transformed them into something they never were before; one twist and like a radio, they are tuned into the station he wants to hear.
I think part of the problem was that I didn’t much like my nipples. They seemed too reactive although I never had the sensation to match. If it was cold, they were out like a shot – I live in the north of Scotland so this was a frequent hazard. People would comment, usually boys being immature, but as a teen I didn’t have the self confidence to rise above it. And with just a comment, they would be out again so it was a sort of catch 22. After the invention of the T shirt bra, things improved a bit but the scars were still there.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t part of my body dysmorphia, I just wasn’t that keen on them. However, when I hit my 20s and became a mum, I developed a new respect. I was pleased that I had a good pair of working breasts; the years of feeding left me with a pair of nipples that I felt I could easily hang a couple of coats from, but I didn’t really mind anymore. It did come as a bit of a surprise, however, when HL took an interest in them.
I think the first thing he did was start with some compliments. I thought he was joking at first but as time wore on, I came to believe that he was genuine. And with that came a bit of a change. I actually started to feel something. It was only faint to being with but it was definitely there. He built some nipple play into foreplay, and now that I was his submissive I just had to go with that. The old me would have told him not to bother, but as that wasn’t an option any longer, I just let it happen.
And low and behold, with the talking and the touching, not to mention some twisting and pinching, things really began to hot up. I could actually feel the connection between my nipples and my clit and it was like there was a direct line running from one to another. I expect that this is what lots of women feel all the time but it was a new thing for me, and as a woman in my 40s, that was a pretty rich discovery. It became so easy for HL to play me through them and he really started to have some fun. Which meant even more fun for me, as is the beauty of the circle of Domination and submission.
I’m pretty sure that he used clothes pegs on me before he invested in proper nipple clamps. Well that took things up a notch for sure – the sensations absorbed and confused me, leaving me with that constant edge I had come to crave. It was quite a quick progression from there on and he began to use a little set of fishing weights on me and set up chains from my nipples to my ankle or thigh cuffs so that I couldn’t move without pulling them. I don’t know why, but it still shocked me when we were on holiday this summer and he caned my breasts and nipples, and I almost climaxed. I suppose I should have seen that coming but perhaps I was still underestimating the power that he holds over me.
I think my point in writing this is that I had limited myself sexually prior to our D/s relationship. Being a submissive gives me nowhere to hide and that means that I am no longer held back by my own preconceived ideas. As a teacher I realise the power of someone else believing in you – that becomes infectious and in the end you can believe in yourself. Life knocks you all the time and if you are confident you may not let those things dent you, but more often than not they will come to shape your beliefs about who and what you are. In time this may also have an impact on what you are capable of achieving which is even more concerning.
Being a submissive means that I have to leave a lot of those inhibitions and preconceptions behind. I can voice them, and they will be listened to, but I am not in control of whether or not we do or don’t engage in certain things. I have learnt that to trust in someone else can free your mind from itself. Your boundaries are pushed and if you are willing to release yourself from your past thoughts, you can experience things anew. I have no doubt that HL thinks more of me than I do of myself – in fact no one has ever been into me like he is before – so if I can see through his eyes, the view is a whole lot better!
Whether someone enjoys nipple play or not is really neither here not there, but to be able to re-write what you took for being a given, is really quite something. It makes me excited and, rather than looking back at what could be seen as wasted years, I am thrilled at the thought of what new discoveries the future might bring.