Collar TIme - play collar

Collar Time

For want of trying to describe our current dynamic, Sir and I would label ourselves as 24/7. We are not, however, in a high protocol Dominant/submissive relationship full-time as there has to be space there for the other things that make up our lives; work, children, friends, domestic chores etc. We aim to remain in the mindset all the time, but in reality, there is a degree of dipping in and out as other events and commitments require. This post is about our ideas about how we can work on this by introducing a higher protocol collar time.

As we have progressed in our D/s and our dynamic has become more established, we have felt the need to make things a little more structured.  While I love and am incredibly excited  by HisLordship my Dom, there is also P who I met and fell in love with.  While P and HisLordship are one and the same, there are differences to their personalities and behaviour and this has led to things being pretty fluid; we relax and tighten up on protocols as we see necessary.  For the most part this has worked.  There is an underlying level of respect and we use the rules and rituals that we have to make sure that the dynamic is woven throughout our lives.  We have dedicated time to talk properly, clearly defined roles and a structure that helps us to sustain things.

Recently, however, we have decided to change this a little and become more defined about things.  This came from the fact that while things worked well for the most part, there were times when we were not always at the same point.  This was mainly because one of us would have our concentration or emotions channelled into something else and although we managed to get on the same page, it could take a little while sometimes, and meant that the outcome was not always as good as it might have been.  We spent a while discussing this and what might help.

We talked about those in other types of relationship where they were not actually living together but planned to devote their full attention to each other for the time they were together. We have both benefited greatly from bringing the dynamic into our life full-time so felt that to go back to a bedroom only D/s would not be the way forward for us.  We wanted to keep the humour and spark that being ourselves in a slightly less formal way brings, but also experience the excitement and anticipation that comes from the higher protocol times.  What we really wanted was to gain everything that comes from being HisLordship and missy together but not lose the natural spark and connection that comes through our interaction as P and E.

What we decided in the end was that we would continue with all the rules and rituals that we currently had set up but that we would step things up by introducing a higher protocol Collar Time.  During this time we agreed that I would wear a formal collar rather than the day collar that I wear all of the time, or the play collar that Sir chooses that I wear sometimes.  Sir lets me know when he wants me to wear his collar and this time can last the duration of a scene, a night, a weekend, or longer if he desires.  During this time he instructs me exactly how he wants me to be and I meet all of those expectations immediately and without question.

There are clear rules and punishments during this time and I have much less freedom.  I suppose really it is what we do normally but in a much more controlled way.  It is certainly a step up.  In the past when we tried to step things up it sometimes felt like we were acting a role so this has worked well for us so far.  The mindset is instant and we are both on the same page.  It is allowing us to explore our Dom and sub sides further which is really exciting. I suppose in some ways, it is more of an M/s style dynamic and allows us to explore that part more.

I imagine for some of you this is what you have all the time but for us it has not worked like that.  Much of the time we are surrounded by family and are supporting each other through the emotions that life brings in an everyday setting where we are thoroughly familiar and comfortable with each other, so we find ourselves sort of slipping in and out of the formality as required.  This has meant that we can go much deeper into our roles than we have always been able to before, at least in a consistent way anyway. So far it has not been for any longer than a night but I think that Sir has plans for me next weekend so I have that to look forward to for sure!

Posted in Building a D/s Dynamic and tagged , , , , , , , , .


  1. This is so awesome. I love collars, they bring such sharp focus into D/s relationships. I find it interesting that you have so many parallel aspects to your marriage due to all the external dynamics yet you also have clearly established rules that work for both of you. I personally believe that the ‘humor and spark’ of P & E is what makes Missy and His Lordship so successful in making the transition btwn life and the bedroom. It is a challenge to extend the higher protocol into real life when walking around in leather bondage gear in public is not an option. You may have less freedom Missy, but you’ve actually gained much more with Sir’s dominance than any perceived loss.

    • Thank you for your comment and thoughts. The freedom thing is interesting as it is only when I submit to him completely that I actually feel free. Being free to submit and choosing to do so myself is not quite the same. I think it would be impossible for me to sustain that depth constantly and I think it would be so difficult for Sir to demand that of me all of the time as well. I am lucky that we have found a balance that suits us, and through listening to and learning from others, we are able to build and develop this and grow together. What you say about the focus of the collar is so true also; it becomes so symbolic so very quickly.

  2. I love the way you both are together… and yes … it is 24/7. Life and this kinky life are intertwined … With Master, we may not be together … but see us as 24/7…
    it seems very deliciously clear that you and your dearest Sir work with what Master calls …. “no prescription”… it’s so beautiful to read z

    • Your commitment and devotion is certainly 24/7 and I think that is what is important. You are his whether he is physically there beside you or not. I love your Master’s “no prescription”. Being boxed in and defined as to how you ‘should be’ and what you ‘should do’ only leads to feeling inadequate. It is about feelings and emotions and love and being free from prescription. Your Master sounds like a wise man.

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