I think that for me this is true. Obviously there are many different types of love in life – the love of our children, parents, friends etc will be very different to the love of our partner, but to actually feel that love is always an incredible thing. It is consuming and often overwhelming and has the ability to lift us up completely. But the love that I have felt through my current dynamic is different to anything I have ever felt before, and I truly believe that it feeds the fire of my life.
The amazing thing about what I have now is that the love is ‘felt’ in a much more intense way than it was before. I have no doubt that my Sir loved me before our D/s but I don’t think I felt is as often or as completely as I do now. It is almost that the love is woven throughout everything we do and are now. My actions and thoughts have become ones which are born of the desire to please him and meet his needs. A huge part of that is aiming to make him feel loved through my want and need of him. The circular nature of our relationship means that I feel his love through trying to show him mine. This is something that I have found very difficult to explain to my vanilla friends and family. They see me as giving rather that understanding what I am getting from it. The fact that he wants my submission shows me that he loves me. He loves me enough to help me to give in the way that I want to so this really lets me feel his love. The thought that my Sir puts into my care also lets me feel his love in a very real way. These are not just words but actions and thoughts on his behalf also. He gives me his Dominance and with it he nurtures and feeds me.
Our relationship is so much more powerful than it used to be. This is on an emotional level and on a physical one. We have become so closely connected through our desire to make sure the other is happy and fulfilled, that we are very in tune. We have to communicate on a far deeper level than we ever had to before both in the bedroom and outside. We are exploring our limits together which requires absolute trust and the result is something almost tangible. It is often unspoken, but we both share in this feeling and connection. The love becomes all consuming and all encompassing. It means that it can be hard to be apart sometimes as it is almost a withdrawal as we move from the emotional plain we have been on together back into the functional world where others await.
But feeling this love feeds my life. For one, it makes me feel alive. Having spent some years feeling like I had lost myself and was living behind a gauze screen not really experiencing life fully, it is a feeling that I value greatly. My Sir was the one who ‘saw me’ back then; he pulled me back and he helped my to feel alive again. Through our D/s dynamic I have felt safe, supported and strong and like I was able to really live as I would like. The second thing is that the fire that comes from our physical relationship has taken things to a different level. I feel that I am really experiencing things in a much more intense way that I ever have before. The passion, excitement and emotion that is there now brings something to life that was never there previously. There is a charge that I feel run between us. It is difficult to put into words what this is and to really explain it but I am aware that it can be seen by others.
To feel the love of people who we love is a fire that feeds our life.