I guess that really, giving meets receiving is the crux of a power exchange, certainly one with a D/s slant. Making your partner happy and meeting their needs and desires is both fulfilling and consuming in equal measure. It becomes a powerful part of who you are and who you want to be. I suppose this was something that I hadn’t really thought much about before entering into a D/s lifestyle. I wanted to make HL happy, of course I did, but usually this was when the mood took me rather than being a standing thing. But what does this have to do with oral sex?
Now, I don’t profess to be perfect. I admit that sometimes I catch myself and realise I must do better, quickly changing my behaviour. Sometimes, I don’t manage to catch myself and HL will correct me. And sometimes, it just sort of slides and I get away with not submitting at all. Basically, sometimes I am just not in the place I need to be with the whole your needs are my needs deal. But I try. And I have made progress over the years. I think!
Oral Sex and Submission
One thing that highlights this change to his needs and desires becoming mine, is oral sex. I have to say that I was never shy with blow jobs with him – I think that within a few weeks he said that he had enjoyed more of these with me than through the entire duration of his first marriage. But I was really into him, it was something that he liked, and it just felt the right thing to do. I guess at the start I liked the feeling it gave me because he seemed so grateful and flattered that it was something I wanted.
And I did enjoy it. It was something that I did where I didn’t get anything back. It made me feel selfless which was really nice. Many of the other women I know didn’t feel the same and it was not something that they did really. The old joke about getting married so you never had to do it again wore a bit thin in the female circles I was mixing in. So I suppose that added to the idea that it was something sexy and something that I did just for him, although I guess I was always aware that he probably wanted more than he actually got.
That became clear when I became his submissive. Sucking him became something that I now did much more frequently. He used it as a ritual to help me to transition from work mode to sub mode after a difficult day at work. He used it as a reset when our dynamic had wavered. And he used it as a request pretty much anytime that it crossed his mind. He could have it if he wanted it so why not? I think that initially it was part of the realisation that I wanted to serve him on that level and he was testing that in a small way.
Taking Things Deeper
It was fine by me. It was something that I liked doing and wanted to do even better. Enter the deep throat training. This, along with swallowing, was something that I had not really considered in the past but quite early on I felt that it was something that I wanted to do for him and I asked him to help me to practice. This went well and being used in that way was actually quite a turn on in the same way that oral had been in the first place.
Sometimes when I want to connect with HL, I will ask if I can suck him. This might be because I it can ground and centre me and being that close to him makes me feel safe, but it can also be because I am overwhelmed by a need to be lost in him. Sometimes he will tell me that he would like me to suck him, which does feel different. Usually, after a while when he has asked for it, he will thank me and tell me that I can stop now if I want, but when I have asked, often I will just keep going for as long as he is willing to lie there and take it.
Oral sex and cock worship
This brings me to something I have thought about quite a bit. What is the difference between oral sex and cock worship? I have written a longer post about this but essentially, I think that with cock worship he sees all the emotions that I am holding for him. Everything that you have and am is poured out into it. It’s not just a physical act anymore. It is highly emotional and is the sum of all I feel. You am lost into him and what you I to him becomes what you am. I cease to exist as myself and become only the sensations and the reactions for him.
The aim is not to induce an orgasm, like the blow jobs in the porn clips, but to hold one off, thereby prolonging the pleasure so that it becomes the act rather than the prelude to the act. To orgasm would mean the end and I when I am doing that, don’t want it to end for either of us. I want to become part of him; consume him and be consumed by him. It is almost like the very act sustains me in itself and at the time I really want nothing more. For me, this is certainly more than a blow job, although that can be nice too.
Hungry For Him
We have sort of evolved with regards to play so that oral has become almost a regular part of what we do. If we are doing a set type of kink then his focus will likely just be on me, but once we get to the part where we come together, I will be desperate for him. The way it works, this usually means him allowing me to suck his cock. Sometimes I can actually find it hard to get to the point of orgasm without it, so he will be mean and withhold it to edge me. He will see my need and hunger for him growing and will get to the point that he allows me himself.
This feels very powerful for me. Because he is usually playing with me at this time, possibly forcing orgasms from me, I am not sure that what I am doing is technically the best type of oral I can give. I am certainly lost in him and in the connection that I get and if he decides to move to face fucking or deep-throating, I will often reach orgasm from that alone. The rest of the time it will be innate in terms of what I do, unless he instructs me to do something in particular. I am almost not aware of it, and just react without thinking at all.
The Circle of Giving and Receiving
The fact that he knows all of this means that although it is intensely physical for him, it is emotional as well. It connects us and makes us exist for each other. It is about the circle of need and pleasure and fulfilment, where one simultaneously feeds and is fed and where giving and receiving becomes one and the same because each is dependent on the other. To me, it becomes a thing of beauty and is one of the gifts I can give to him which I know will remind him of what I am. He will feel my love, he will feel my devotion and he will feel my complete submission.
This post has been edited and updated for Tell Me About …
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